paper postscript
edit: i made a few tiny edits for clarity, but i feel good about it.
ps. when you write about yourself WITH FULL HONESTY, you are actually writing about everyone.
pps. so i can now see that the answer is written above: “no one wants to invite me” because “there is no one i can be fully honest with.” as in, no one feels close to me because i am afraid of getting close to anyone.
being vulnerable online isn’t the same as establishing intimacy with another human. that’s my substitute right now but it’s not a substitute that goes anywhere. and sexual intimacy is a useful shortcut to emotional intimacy, as long as you’re prepared to rip your heart out over and over.
i’m about to make an appointment with my therapist for the first time since May.
ppps. i just made an email address for this blog. i would love to know if anyone relates to these thoughts. write here with any comments and i’ll share them/reply in my next posts:
cosmic.horn.42 [AT] google mail dot com
thank you ~~