tequila soda
tw: alcoholism!
helo;
i’m sitting outside a bar, in my car, with the windows open, and little pinpricks of rain are hitting my wrist.
i came here because it’s my new coworker’s birthday. i started a new job 4 days ago, and i’m already in love with everyone, and i’m already trying not to be too much. i’ve had most of a tallboy and a double tequila soda.
it’s so embarrassing what i’m about to tell you but i’m trying to live in the sexy, centered, fluid side of things instead of getting flustered & making it worse. i had been under the impression that all my new coworkers would be here and that i had explicitly been invited but i was wrong. this is my fourth birthday/third birthday party this weekend and it was about time i got something wrong.
at least i brought the birthday girl flowers (a spray of black-eyed susans, according to google, which i spotted in grant park earlier today and clipped with my swiss army knife, but only ones that had already been bent) and she loved them. and then i immediately disappeared because all her friends FROM HER OTHER JOB were looking back and forth at each other like “who the fuck is this girl.” i’ve been here plenty y’all, i know how to respond to that look. i had just ordered my double by the time i realized i’d miscalculated the situation, so i went outside (my safe place) and found a table. and hallelujah, i didn’t have to pretend to be interested in my phone because all i really wanted to be doing was reading this manga on the library app, and hallelujah, i had actually charged my phone before leaving the house.
to be clear i’m not a manga reader or even an anime watcher. but Dandadan is something special. i literally cannot get enough.
i liiiike having an obsession
it is an actual miracle that i’m not an alcoholic, because i never ever ever ever experience happiness, peace, elation, bliss like i do when i’m tipsy, and yet unless i’m out socializing i completely forget that drinking is an option. lately i’ve been half-wondering if i should start taking a shot of tequila every night so i’m not only happy at bars. but my dad, uncle, and grandma were all alcoholics (all now dead) so probably not, huh.
so why am i sitting in my car instead of going home? it’s 2am for god’s sake, you might say. well,
i pulled out my phone to see if i could convince a friend to join me here, but because i don’t have instagram i have no idea who’s awake. i tried facebook but it only showed me a bunch of people i barely remember meeting, and then someone i miss very much who lives in Australia.
if i go back inside, i could get another drink. they are delicious and could lead to more fun. however, my car is here, and i shouldn’t be paying for ubers right now, and i don’t want to do anything i’ll regret in front of the coworkers that are here.
if i go back inside i could pay my tab, instead of hiding in my car because there were too many people to make eye contact with the bartender.
if i go back inside i will have to interact with lots of dumb drunk people again. it is very very crowded here. i actually had no idea this place was so popular. the dj tonight is my friend’s grubby worm of an ex-husband (who used to "like" all my photos in the middle of the night, then feign ignorance when i confronted him about it, and who eventually cheated on her), and i have successfully avoided interacting with him so far. that could change if i go back inside.
i’ve worked two shifts and i already have two work crushes. one of them actually is here, like i’d hoped, and he’s hanging out with someone i had a crush on at my LAST job. i barely know either of those people, and tonight could change that, if i just go back inside.
if i go back inside i could embarrass myself. i can feel a yawn coming on. last night when i came home from party #2 i kept tasting gas whenever i yawned, and it turned out that was because the pilot light on the stove was out. just a scary little detail for you to mull over, dear reader.
when current work crush walked by he was surprised to see me, and he sort of held his hand out, and i didn’t have time to second-guess my response, i just stood up and hugged him really close even though we haven’t talked at all yet. and then i told him about my predicament, and it seemed like the hug was the right thing to do, even though the more i think about it the less it makes sense. the main reason i’m crushing on him is that he looked at my boobs like 5 times the other day, so i figured we’d both want me to squeeze our bodies together. but you’re supposed to pretend that stuff isn’t happening, especially with NEW COWORKERS CHELSEA JESUS CHRIST
everyone is so hungry and you win points for forgetting about the hunger but i don’t want to and i can’t.