baby’s first listicle

16 Aug, 2025

tw: earnestness 😦😦😦

dear reader,
i don’t feel depressed anymore! remember how sad i was in my first few posts?
let me tell you how i did it:

1. i deactivated instagram (huge fucking relief)
2. i deleted the one dating app i was on (huge fucking relief, though i will probably redownload it while traveling to make out with fun strangers at their favorite bars. only thing it’s good for)
3. i've been attempting a porn fast since the solstice, and my imagination is flourishing in many ways
4. i started a blog! (you know about this) aka, found a nontoxic creative/emotional outlet
5. i’ve been taking matters into my own hands & inventing solutions to my problems, even if my methods seem unconventional or confusing (e.g. i created an offline alternative to the close friends function on instagram, which i will tell you about someday)
6. instead of hiding my feelings, i have been extremely fucking honest with everyone i come across—maybe too honest, to the point where it could come back to bite me, but so far it’s been solely rewarding
7. everyone with whom it doesn’t feel safe to be honest i seem to have purged from my life (yessss)
8. i spent a few days hanging out with a long-term comet partner (who might read this - hello) and let myself accept the outrageous praise being lobbed at me 24/7—this from an objectively super cool person who has known me a third of my life & seen me cry & seen me naked, not from a random person on the internet who’s guessing what i’m like. and though that was a month ago, and i feel bad for my immediate compliment-induced mania, i’m still letting myself believe.
9. i’ve been refining my space with my roommate and finally have a gorgeous home i love being in/can’t wait to show off, for the first time in half a decade
10. i finally got a fucking job, and it’s exactly what i was looking for, and i love it.
11. i’ve been trying to recognize that my thoughts skew negative as a protective mechanism and that therefore my read of things is usually going to be inaccurate, and to notice what that mechanism is up to before considering a positive read instead.
12. i’ve been taking a lot of selfies and lingering in appreciation of my own face
13. i’ve been brave. i’ve done things that could lead to rejection instead of hiding away. and i’m really proud of myself.

that’s it. lol. i felt like i needed to apologize for my sadness and now i feel like i need to apologize for my happiness. instead i will apologize for this being both boring and flowery. i’ll get an editor someday. jk this is a blog. okay bye

(alright, at the heart of this squirming is probably my depressed dad, because he always needed me to be “cool” and this doesn’t feel cool. so i’m healing 🥲)